


her pages of the past

by IllyaTsubomi



Series: don't laugh at my 'pure words of love', okay? [5]
Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, F/M, Possible Spoilers, headcanon fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 18:09:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15370368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllyaTsubomi/pseuds/IllyaTsubomi
Summary: For a week following the fall of the Chaldea they know, Fujimaru Ritsuka had got a horrible case of fever. To the sight of her beloved best friend and senpai, lying with a high temperature as she shivers in painful sleep, Mashu can only hold her hand close.Da Vinci had convinced her that it’s just a cold she got out of stress and that if she gets enough rest, she’ll feel better. Yet, Mashu couldn’t help but worry.But when the senpai muttered something in her dream that widens Mashu’s eyes, she felt a strange curiosity that she felt the need to call someone.[A fic based on one of my personal headcanon for Gudako, sets on the same setting as my HomuGuda series. Sets on the first week after Cosmos in the Lostbelt's prologue.]





	her pages of the past

For a week following the fall of the Chaldea they know, Fujimaru Ritsuka had got a horrible case of fever. To the sight of her beloved best friend and  _senpai_ , lying with a high temperature as she shivers in painful sleep, Mashu can only hold her hand close.

Da Vinci had convinced her that it’s just a cold she got out of stress and that if she gets enough rest, she’ll feel better. Yet, Mashu couldn’t help but worry.

But when the  _senpai_  muttered something in her dream that widens Mashu’s eyes, she felt a strange curiosity that she felt the need to call someone.

 

* * *

 

“Mr. Holmes. I know you’re busy, but can I ask you a favor?”

Holmes didn’t even turn his back to Mashu as he continued with his job. He only answered, in his usual stern voice.

“Is this about Miss Ritsuka? In that case, from how you’re asking me for help like this even though you knew she’d be alright by a week of resting; there’s something deeper behind her cold”

“You got it right.” Mashu took the liberty to take a seat somewhere near him. “Let’s just get to the point. Master– no, Ritsuka… She’s… muttering something strange in her sleep. I assume it might be a part of her stress”

“And that ‘something strange’ is?”

“At first, it’s just ‘Mom, Dad’— which is quite normal. But after that…” Mashu paused for a while, looking below to her feet as she continued. “She called out for her name as it was someone else’s, saying ‘I’m sorry, Ritsuka’, repeatedly.”

Not known to Mashu who can only clearly see Holmes’ back, a glint of curiosity does spark in Holmes’ eyes.

“Not like I don’t believe you, but you are indeed sure she called it out as if it was someone else’s?”

“Yes. It was as if she’s filled with regret.” Mashu sighed, still looking down. “ _Senpai_ … she never told me anything about her. She always smiles and laughs despite her pain and scars in every Leyshift. She’s a good listener to my stories and she tells a lot of stories of the world outside Chaldea, but she never speaks anything about herself.”

“So, to put it into words…” Holmes finally turned his back. “…you’re assuming that her past had something to do with her stress— her fever now.”

“I think so. Especially with how I know she was calling home sometime before the new people in charge comes to Chaldea and…. well, everything happened.”

“I am not a psychiatrist, miss Kyrielight. I won’t promise I could help her through that even if I found out what happened with her.” Holmes puts his hands together. “Yet, this does get me curious, so I’ll look up to it.”

Mashu would’ve said ‘But you’re the one she cared the most, so even with you being by her side she’d be better’, but she didn’t. He knew that, and she knew that. There is no need for words.

* * *

 

“I see you’re awake, Master. Are you feeling better?”

“Holmes…”

Putting her palm on her forehead, Ritsuka gazed blankly at the ceiling of the Shadow Border. A part of her is glad he spent a little of his busy time to come for her, but a part of her felt like if he had to leave his job for her, there must be something wrong with her instead of him worrying about her.

“If you wanted some mana transfer, I can’t do it right now.” And so, Ritsuka assumed. After all, that was their main connection.

“Do you take me for a fool for not seeing that?” Holmes offended. “Miss Kyrielight was worried about you, and told me to visit you.”

“I’ll be fine with more rest as Da Vinci said, don’t worry.” She took a glance at him before her stare went back to the ceiling, uninterested. She’s glad he’s here for her despite being told to, but she can’t just say that somehow– it feels embarrassing, and she still has too much on her mind to consider him right now.

“Let’s just get to the point, she heard your sleep-talking of calling sorry to ‘Ritsuka’, —–”

To a name that he called, the girl’s eyes widen as she turned to him.

“H… how. How did you—” The orange-haired girl bites her lips. “Oh wait, it’s you. Of course, you’d know sooner or later. Why didn’t I think of that before…”

“It’s simple and elementary. I just looked up Chaldea’s database and it’s there if anyone would’ve dug a little deeper. I assume most staff wouldn’t look up deeper, though.”

“How far did you know?”

“As far as I dig through, my deduction is that you’re still feeling guilty for your twin brother— the true Ritsuka’s accidental death.”

“You knew that far.” She raised herself up. “Please, don’t say anything more.”

“I can’t.”

“What? Because Mashu requested your service to find out?”

“That was not it. I was curious, to be said.” Holmes looked away. “After all, it’s only natural that I would’ve wanted to know more about you. Technically, we’re together, aren’t we?”

As he said so, the girl in the bed had her tears fell one by one. She softly hits Holmes’ chest, as he lends his arm to cry.

“I hate how much open I am to you.”

“I know.”

“Fine. I’d rather tell you than getting you finding these out for yourself”

* * *

_Ritsuka had always been better than her. From how people around them compared the twins to each other, she just knew that she’s the inferior one. A little brother to be proud of, they said._

**_I’m the older sister. I had to stay strong._ **

_Even her parents preferred him over her. They complained about how much of a tomboy she is, comparing her track-and-field best result to his best of his class’ math result. Somehow, him calling her ‘Big Sis!” proudly has hurt her now, and at that time she didn’t know why._

**_But does it even matter if we’re born on the same day and he’s the better twin?_ **

_They were 7 that day where their lives changed for the worse she hadn’t know. Being annoyed at how they were compared, she asked him for a task of shopping she should’ve been doing instead. ‘I am the older sister, so you have to obey me’, she said._

_And he dies that very same day, by a speeding truck._

_**It should’ve been me.** _

_That was what she felt. What she felt her parents would’ve said, and what they end up thinking of in the painful loss of their son._

* * *

 

“….filling up with guilt, I even went as far as officially changing my name to my brother’s. And my parents just agreed to it. They’re such a shitty parent to compare us like that, to begin with. I did my best so I could be as good as my brother, but we still argue a lot about how I’m the cause of his death. It calmed down through junior high school, where they had accepted his death and be more kind to me. But it’s too late. I’m already broken even until I graduated high school.”

To that, he just stayed put and listened. She continued.

“The reason I signed up for Chaldea instead of going to college was so that I could’ve found something. Something about me. Something about Fujimaru —– that he, Ritsuka, didn’t have. Though now that I consider it, my brother would’ve signed in if he knew we’d save people with this fight— he’s that kind of person, and I don’t hate him for that.”

She bit her lips once again. Her tears have dried up, but she still held him close. She didn’t want him to go.

“Then… I felt like I found my true family here, in Chaldea. Mashu, Da Vinci, Dr. Roman, the staffs, then the servants, like you, Holmes. It’s painful that I had to fight for my life, but everyone’s so kind to me. Even though they called his name for mine, they see me for me, not him, not as my parents are.”

Her tears had stacked on and up again.

“So when I called home that day, I said that I want to stay here even after New Year’s. My parents argued that I should go back home, maybe a part of them wants me home so they could amend their sins for everything they did, who knows. Then when I argued— they said it, if it was my brother, he’d stay put with their wishes… Then everything just happened and I…”

She could’ve felt his hands patting her head gently. A small act of kindness that put her to calm. She cried again, and she didn’t know how much longer she would.

“Thank you, and… I’m sorry. I… I…”

“It’s okay, —–.”

Holmes guessed it’ll be case closed once she fell asleep in his arm. He let her rest, as he lied her down back to her bed. For a while, he’d let her be. Maybe one day, she’d have enough strength to say her past to everyone else including his client this time, Miss Kyrielight— but today’s not the day. So he let her be.

**Author's Note:**

> So... I kinda wanted to write this series' Gudako's past this morning, so I went through with it. Oops. 
> 
> I personally can see Gudako's name being Rikka (written as 立花) since it's close to Ritsuka with a similar sound and matching meaning (if the 'ka' in Ritsuka is scent, the one in Rikka is 'flower') , but I decided to leave it out so anyone can just put their headcanons in.
> 
> The angst smut of Lostbelt 2 will come after this. Prooobably.


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